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Submitted on
January 7, 2004
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have you ever been an addict.  and im not talking
about the hey-i-like-to-do-this-alot type of addict.
im talking about the
if-i-dont-get-it-right-now-im-going-to-fucking-blow-someones-head-off
type of addict.  im an addict.  ive never blown anyone
to get it.  i dont think i would.  but i havent been
given the opportunity to either.  the reason i say 'i
dont think i would' is because i like to pretend that
i still have something thats mine.  dignity, pride,
standards.  but i know i would easily toss those away
just to get it.  i know because i have.  so all i
really have is it.  for one hour.  for two hours.  for
fifteen minutes or however long it last.  however long
i can afford it to last.  ill be high for fifteen
minutes if thats all i can get.

im an addict.  i dont get high just to get high.  i
get high just to get my mind off getting high for a
few hours.  after a fix im good for eight hours.
maybe.  then the last of my previous highs memory
cells dry up and i want.  need.  how can i get
my next fix.  when.  how soon.  can i afford it.
scratch that.  how soon.

i timed it once.  seventy seven dollars got me high
for just shy of a hundred minutes.  but i got my fix.  and
yet i was broke.  funny how they call it a fix.  each
new fix is like a hollowtip exploding out my backside.
internal bleeding.  external bleeding.  but i dont
feel it.  until i come down.

i should get help.  i know.  i should get help finding
it and paying for it because the more im high the more i
live.  do i want to stop.  yes.  i want to stop
searching for my fix.  i want to stop the hours
inbetween each fix thinking about the next fix each
fix whispering to me that it will be better than the
last fix.  i want to stop.  and i will.  i will when
im rolling around in fields of my drug.  when i wont
need a fix because its everywhere and i dont have to
get high because i already am and i will be forever
because everywhere i look is my drug and its holding
me and telling me that im sexy and i will never come
down because i live in a castle in the sky.

so now you know what addicts dream of.

i am an addict.  and i love it.  it has its positives
and negatives.  and im positive im negative.  or so im
told.  by myself.  my brain can hold two opposing
thoughts.  one, that this fix is just what i needed.
and two, that i need a fix.

and now its time.  

i can hear my drug calling.  i pick up the phone.

i say hello.
she says i love you.
my fix.

and im good for another eight hours.
i wrote this because i am an addict.

SS photomanip by #wicked-eve

drug. weee.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconkendraaa91:
Kendraaa91 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012
I think many would agree, no one loves being an addict. I speak from sheer experience, I've absolutely never enjoyed having this disease... It's fucked up
Reply
:iconfantasmorte:
fantasmorte Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2010
Why is this not a DD? D:
Reply
:iconforgetthedreampoet:
forgetthedreampoet Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2010   Writer
Absolutely amazingly perfect.
Reply
:iconxloveinmusicx:
xLoveinMusicx Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
the impression i got from the end was that SHE was your drug. that love, the phone call, were your fix.. and i thought that was a great twist. but then all of the comments don't agree...... so idk. >.<
Reply
:iconm112a:
m112a Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
YOUR WORDS GOT MY HANDS AND FEET NUMB.
Reply
:iconpuestodelsol:
puestodelsol Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2009  Hobbyist Photographer
this is a brilliant piece of work! it has been featured in a news article about addiction and disorders here... [link] thank you for this!
Reply
:iconpeace-or-release:
peace-or-release Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2009
Man I've been where you are at right now except my addiction finally took everything from me until I ended up homeless then in jail...Had I not been locked up I would have died though. This is very goo how you expressed it though and I hope you liked my post
Reply
:iconpeace-or-release:
peace-or-release Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2009
It comes from deep inside
stripping you of everything
having no desire to let go,
suffocating you
even when you sleep its there,
breathing inside of you
taking what it wants
til theres nothing left to give

Once again it takes over you
the dark cloud you breathe in
the poison you stick in your vein
now leading a life of lies and deceit
there's no more happiness, no light left inside

you vowed to never come here again
yet here you are
beaten, walking now with the dead
broken down by a pulsless, omnipotent beast
and as it grows inside
consuming everything good that once was
all that is left is
this

Now there truely is nothing
you and your disease
knowing you'll never be whole again
you still try to pick up the smoldering ashe
that was once you
still its there.....smiling
as it kills you
Reply
:iconmake-a-snappy:
make-a-snappy Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2009
this is real good.
Reply
:icongg42997:
gg42997 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2008
i like it, this really brings this out in the clear for me.
Reply
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