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Submitted on
October 30, 2003
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...Stand.



She beat me to it,
then beat me with it.


A pair of heavenly bodies,
Fighting the gravity of our collective density.
Shooting starlets is this galaxy choked night sky.
Upon re-entry,
We broke up in the atmosphere.

Meteor shower,
with an asteroid massage.
Trip the lights horrific.
No one told me it was B.Y.O.Brimstone.

Prince Charming plastic face,
Could never afford the palace.
She blinked my haleys commet,
Greyscale aurora borealis.

Cynical whore with her lasso umbilical chord.
She called it off with a tear filled molotov.


And its over.
And its over and over and over.
will i ever get over?
will i ever
under...
i wrestled with this one for awhile. i just couldnt get the lines to play with each other nicely... so i gave them a time and just decide to submit the peice in its raw form, then i fixed it up a bit in the submission field. wee!

...and see what happens.
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:iconmichellemariesuan:
michellemariesuan Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2006  Hobbyist Digital Artist
POERTY...o_o
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:icondecayingpinkbunny:
DecayingPinkBunny Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2004
On par with your others I've read so far. I'm not exactly sure how you meant this or for whom it was written, but I see two different ways this could go. The first time I read it through I saw it being more about a total biotch who completely screwed over her man and used his unborn child against him after he'd finally had enough with her. However the second time I read it through I got a bit of a different idea of it. The other idea that popped into my head was of a mother giving birth to a child and basically being a bad mother afterward and using the blood relation to pull the child back in time and again. Chances are your meaning is totally different from either of the thoughts of this in my head, but that's the beauty of 'poerty' eh?
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:iconkiriromano:
kiriromano Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2004  Hobbyist Photographer
wow!
I'm not sure exactly what you are trying to say with this, but I like it anyway.

I think this has to be my favourite line: She called it off with a tear filled molotov.
Reply
:iconstarblind:
starblind Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2003
Whoo-hoo, more poerty!

Favourite lines:

"Trip the lights horrific.
No one told me it was B.Y.O.Brimstone."

Least favouite lines:

The ones I get on my ass from sitting naked on a plastic park bench.
Reply
:iconfangedfem:
fangedfem Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2003
Once again I wish I could comment on writing better-- I can never seem to find the right words. This is just wonderful-- an incredible jouney with words....well done!
Reply
:iconsomedrunkblackspoon:
somedrunkblackspoon Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2003   Writer
all I can think of is the damn hours of Nova - The Elegant Universe I watched this weekend after reading this. She somehow doesn't seem too elegant however. Enjoyed.
Reply
:iconthirdhandsaucer:
thirdhandsaucer Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2003   Traditional Artist
that's pretty cool , is that in arizona?
i like the picture
-thirdhandsaucer
Reply
:icondeadilion:
deadilion Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2003
I think you have the right idea here and as far as tha space poetry break-up thing goes, I'd keep it choppy. But I would look over some of the terms, I dunno. You just let me know when you're finished that way i can come back and pretend like my comments mean something. :)
Reply
:iconlivingbyair:
livingbyair Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2003  Hobbyist Writer
the first two lines are freakin great as well as the rest of the poem! YES! :D

I enjoyed it. :P
Reply
:iconajd:
ajd Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2003  Hobbyist General Artist
Did you mean to write poerty in the picture rather than poetry? The Cynical whore line is grand.
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