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She beat me to it,
then beat me with it.

A pair of heavenly bodies,
Fighting the gravity of our collective density.
Shooting starlets is this galaxy choked night sky.
Upon re-entry,
We broke up in the atmosphere.

Meteor shower,
with an asteroid massage.
Trip the lights horrific.
No one told me it was B.Y.O.Brimstone.

Prince Charming plastic face,
Could never afford the palace.
She blinked my haleys commet,
Greyscale aurora borealis.

Cynical whore with her lasso umbilical chord.
She called it off with a tear filled molotov.

And its over.
And its over and over and over.
will i ever get over?
will i ever
i wrestled with this one for awhile. i just couldnt get the lines to play with each other nicely... so i gave them a time and just decide to submit the peice in its raw form, then i fixed it up a bit in the submission field. wee!

...and see what happens.
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michellemariesuan Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2006  Hobbyist Digital Artist
DecayingPinkBunny Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2004
On par with your others I've read so far. I'm not exactly sure how you meant this or for whom it was written, but I see two different ways this could go. The first time I read it through I saw it being more about a total biotch who completely screwed over her man and used his unborn child against him after he'd finally had enough with her. However the second time I read it through I got a bit of a different idea of it. The other idea that popped into my head was of a mother giving birth to a child and basically being a bad mother afterward and using the blood relation to pull the child back in time and again. Chances are your meaning is totally different from either of the thoughts of this in my head, but that's the beauty of 'poerty' eh?
kiriromano Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2004  Hobbyist Photographer
I'm not sure exactly what you are trying to say with this, but I like it anyway.

I think this has to be my favourite line: She called it off with a tear filled molotov.
starblind Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2003
Whoo-hoo, more poerty!

Favourite lines:

"Trip the lights horrific.
No one told me it was B.Y.O.Brimstone."

Least favouite lines:

The ones I get on my ass from sitting naked on a plastic park bench.
fangedfem Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2003
Once again I wish I could comment on writing better-- I can never seem to find the right words. This is just wonderful-- an incredible jouney with words....well done!
somedrunkblackspoon Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2003   Writer
all I can think of is the damn hours of Nova - The Elegant Universe I watched this weekend after reading this. She somehow doesn't seem too elegant however. Enjoyed.
thirdhandsaucer Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2003   Traditional Artist
that's pretty cool , is that in arizona?
i like the picture
deadilion Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2003
I think you have the right idea here and as far as tha space poetry break-up thing goes, I'd keep it choppy. But I would look over some of the terms, I dunno. You just let me know when you're finished that way i can come back and pretend like my comments mean something. :)
livingbyair Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2003  Hobbyist Writer
the first two lines are freakin great as well as the rest of the poem! YES! :D

I enjoyed it. :P
ajd Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2003  Hobbyist General Artist
Did you mean to write poerty in the picture rather than poetry? The Cynical whore line is grand.
mibi Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2003
i did right poerty in the picture.
ajd Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2003  Hobbyist General Artist
hehe ok.
wicked-eve Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2003
Cynical whore with her lasso umbilical chord.
She called it off with a tear filled molotov.

i love that part.
I think it might have hints of difference for you.
and that is a good thing.
it's not as powerful as some of your other writing, but it's still powerful.
you use words that mask other's beautifully...leaving for my eyes a wave of articulated lovliness.

Im gonna fav this because i really do love how it sticks to your eyelids and makes you read it again and again.
ExitDust Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2003
like everything you write this is very interesting, but i can't say that this enters into my favorite's cateragory. most of your stuff is like a gentle stream flowing over shiny stones. this is a turbulent river splashing and ripping over jagged boulders.
the word whore is more ever used on than it is on or on, I'm still checking on, it's a close call.
i understand that it fits, but damn, everyone on this site is a whore, knows a whore, writes about whores, or is a (my favorite) proverbial self proclaimed whore.
that aside... i like it cause it's descent but i dislike it because i am comparing it to your other pieces

dust: i'm out
punky-o Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2003   Photographer
I felt like a just had a siezure, no I like the concept, really I do.

I anticipate a lot, especially from you, I don't know why.

I dig the whole allusion thing to space, I know its the wrong term but I am using it.

I don't know its really rough, but I am certain you are working on it.
nihilim Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2003   Writer
I like the point you're trying to make at the end, but it just doesn't sound right to me.

I've been a hyphen-fiend lately, and I spotted all sorts of places where I'd love to see hyphens, but I'll refrain from mentioning that.

I love well-done space poetry. It always just seems so... cosmic.

In the interest of not back-spacing anything, I'll just say that like the dense ass I am, I just got the ending. Damn I'm slow. But now I like it. From a conceptual standpoint. I still think it sounds off while reading.

Cosmic, dude. Circularly cosmic.
mibi Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2003
yeah it sounds off... ...its rough, very rough. break-up are like that... sorry, heh, that was a cop out.
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October 30, 2003
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