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Submitted on
May 30, 2003
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Its last call, spread the word up must come down town ship recognize me from that bar code name tag your it and no backsies...

im sorry, my names jesse jackson five star hotel me whats your sign your name on the dotted line of sightseer over there, yeah the one with the tight tube top spin out of control... ok now brace yourself

Can i buy you a beer keg stand up for your rights dont make a wrong and vice versa
vs a vice grip on reality bites the bulletin bored out of my mind field of view

So whats your perfect drug ring on your finger four leg lock the door bell curves on that female man always rings twice... no wait, thats the milky way to go man you blew it

Excuse me bartender loincloth around your waiste bandwagon train of thought provoking Tutankhamun sense of humor me... so i dont look like a moron that later alligator skin tone deaf dumb and blind as a batters box spring summer and fall

Please help me up settle down payment in full moon light speed at 186,000 miles per second thought ill pass
on that last beer belly dancer furiously shaking her hippopotamustard and relish this moment um...

i seem to have forgotten what to say next...

Microphone check please.
im submitting this as an accompaniment to my art poerty piece... since it might be a bit hard to read for some folks....

the art-poerty is here [link]

and it might take a few reads or some effort to get the schematics going on here... but it should be fairly obvious....

enjoy!
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:iconveganeskimo:
VeganEskimo Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2004
Ha, I love this! This is the best play on words I've seen since "Take Me To Your Leader" by Newsboys. I really picked up on it here:

Can i buy you a beer keg stand up for your rights dont make a wrong and vice versa
vs a vice grip on reality bites the bulletin bored out of my mind field of view

And that was one of the best parts of it. The best parts were:

Can i buy you a beer keg stand up for your rights dont make a wrong and vice versa
vs a vice grip on reality bites the bulletin bored out of my mind field of view

So whats your perfect drug ring on your finger four leg lock the door bell curves on that female man always rings twice... no wait, thats the milky way to go man you blew it

Excuse me bartender loincloth around your waiste bandwagon train of thought provoking Tutankhamun sense of humor me... so i dont look like a moron that later alligator skin tone deaf dumb and blind as a batters box spring summer and fall

And they're all next to each other. Anyway, I'm favving.
Reply
:icondjdouglas:
djdouglas Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2004
yeah i hate to be the bearer of bad news but in all of these title images you've created for your poetry...you've spelled the word "poetry" wrong in them.

now for the good news: i love this poem! holy hell this poem would be fun to read to an audience! really had to take my time reading it but it was well worth it~

:thanks:

:thumbsup:

:clap:
Reply
:iconaixerona:
aixerona Featured By Owner May 13, 2004
christ i love your style. there's the whole spoken word feel to it, but not only spoken or "slam"ed word, the word attached to another in a dislocated yet flows together smoothly sort of way. isee what you're working on. of course the whole "work" feel sometimes escapes from this, what i'm trying to sayi is sometimes i can tell where the struggle of -where to go next- comes in, some lines can be remade or reworked with, some things can be added and rearranged, remember just because you posted it doesn't mean it's over with, take your ending for example, this isn't over yet. you've started something great, (i mean your piece, not the whole movement, lol) so either keep it up or come back and polish it, i love it nonetheless, once you have more to say, more words will come and this will only grow more and more amazing. great piece my friend. i loved it.
Reply
:iconmibi:
mibi Featured By Owner May 13, 2004
thanks for the lovely comment.... i really appreciate it... as for this peice, its pretty much done... i dont think i could really improve on this particular one too much... i could write another one in the same style... but this story, this guy...has already left the bar ;) .... you might want to check out the art poetry version... maybe the images will help you get a better feel of the peice... its here. .. [link]

again... thanks alot.... oh and btw... i actually did slam this once... but as you can imagine... its very hard to speak aloud and even harder for the audience to even know what your doing... :heart:
Reply
:iconderivablezero:
derivablezero Featured By Owner May 12, 2004
hot damn.
jesse, i was chewing on an ink pen but then my jaw gaped and it fell in my lap.
now my lap has druel on it and i have this blank, almost confused stare in my eyes.
but i'm not confused. i'm not wondering i'm not thinking i'm just THERE. right there, in your poem, with your speaker.
even if there is no substance, even if you didn't want any deeper meaning, even if you were just playing with words,
i swear to god i was there.
and i love this.
Reply
:iconmibi:
mibi Featured By Owner May 13, 2004
no substance!.. how dare you! ... just kidding... you might want to check out the art poetry version .... the images provide a little more ....substance ;) .... its here [link]

thanks rabbi... your comments are alwaysa treat...
Reply
:iconevilfaeries:
evilfaeries Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2003   Writer
Wow. I like the way the words just.. hmm.. i dont know the exact word for it, but they like blend into the next line.. i really like that..

you always have this amazing unique style that you write in.. and Im always so amazed at everything that I read by you.

I dont really think this is poetry tho, id say more like prose.
but either way, its good.
no suggestions to make it better, because i cant imagine it getting better.

:heart:
Reply
:iconzimeta:
Zimeta Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2003  Hobbyist Digital Artist
cool. Nice coloring! :)
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:iconcocoon:
cocoon Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2003
nice...love the way you puzzled it up...i'm gonna check out the poetry :)
Reply
:iconrunnerup:
runnerup Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2003
Um.

Pause.

HELL YES!

That's it.

Please continue.

Heart
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