Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login


"Primordial Soup of the Day"


Im chalant although inquiring mimes want to show
The life and times of Pontifaux.
I strike a balance,
Or was it balance on strike.
Seen enough mourning, just tell me what dawn's like.

Equal parts critic-idealist
Mimic and realist
Round off my age just to know what a wheel is.
The shyest of shysters
"Do you want your pie sliced sir?"
A guy but no geyser
The wry of the wiser
Shaped in dents, my sapience
And my Wisdom tooth,
Incisor.

I binge...and purge...
Binge and purge and binge and purge.
Cringe and merge the fringe and verge.
Atoms with Eve's drop, datum's deseased crop
Madam will you please stop...
Im half way through a palindrome
With half a talon shown
Gripping gripes of the most massive of talent tomes.

Got tickets in the brain's balcony
Through a small wicket in sane alchemy.
The lights dim
The night's whim
My first concertain.
As always...in all plays,
The beginning is curtains.
Its about my writing processes and their ilk. Dont bother to look up any words, they are not in there. Just take a geuss.

;)
Add a Comment:
 
:iconchibichobit:
chibichobit Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2008  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
"Seen enough mourning, just tell me what dawn's like"
This seems to be a running gag in several poems with homophones glued in. However, the afore paragraph backs it up here so it actually fits. Which I like.
I like this whole piece, actually. I'm not a dictionary so I don't get some of the word-plays but overall it is very nice in my opinion.
Reply
:icontsena:
Tsena Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2005
Love your poetry.
Reply
:iconthatpartydress:
thatpartydress Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2004
Got tickets in the brain's balcony
Through a small wicket in sane alchemy.
The lights dim
The night's whim
My first concertain.
As always...in all plays,
The beginning is curtains.


that is fucking out of this world. i'm going to put it above my typewriter.
Reply
:iconskybird:
skybird Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2004   Writer
very interesante...most people cant get away with making up words unless ur still wearing a dyper but u did it and made it sound good..
Reply
:iconnihilim:
nihilim Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2003   Writer
i agree with inebriate's question mark.

if i were to have heard this in person,
i'd've whipped my head around, and looked for who else you were hopefully talking to.

poets write the best rap.
Reply
:iconmibi:
mibi Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2003
heh... i put it into "spoken word" by accident.... never again! never again!
Reply
:iconnihilim:
nihilim Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2003   Writer
i didn't notice it was in spoken word.
Reply
:iconeffervescence:
effervescence Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2003
...
I'm a grammar freak, it's spelled " poetry."
Reply
:iconintoxicated-hush:
intoxicated-hush Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2003
very very nice work :hugs:
+devwatch
Reply
:iconlivingbyair:
livingbyair Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2003  Hobbyist Writer
the second to last stanzas is awesome, love the word play in the entire piece.

great title.

grr...

im a useless...have you seen any of my critiques lately?
Reply
:iconexoteris:
exoteris Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2003
It is always an eye opener or two for me to read through the
existing comments after I read the piece. I suck with poetry,
picking apart the dense meat to find something I can digest.
I guess I have a lazy eye, or something behind it. The result
is simply that I tend to skim, and so I don't pick up on all the
apparently obvious flaws. I strip mine it for something that
has relevance to me. The yay part is that I found that here,
and it's particularly timely for me, coming down off one of
those psychoemotional pseudospiritual artist-wannabe sprees.
Whether a binge or a purge, I suppose it depends on the eye
of the beholder. Or something. I'm going to go slip back into
my daily mediocrity, but I just wanted to say hi. and, um.
rekkanize!


p.s. chalant is an *excellent* word.
Reply
:iconinebriate:
inebriate Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2003
Or was it balance on strike.
That is a question. End it with a question mark.

Your ending is fantastic, probably the single good quality of this.
I want to see you strive harder, however. Your rhyming scheme is forced and pitiful if you must make up non-words that derive no relevance to what you are saying.
Spoken, it does no justice and deserves better, stronger lines than what you've sloppily strewn together. I have read your other works and know your potential is far greater. Prove me right.
Reply
:iconmibi:
mibi Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2003
well i can always count on you for the harsh critique... about the "non-words" ...where do words come from?... are they devined? fabricated out of thin air? ...no, people make them up... so i am not limiting myself to words that already exist... and if you think " chalant" "ponitfaux" and "concertain" have no relevance to what im saying then you are thoroughly misguided.

...and i dont force rhymes... no means no. but thanks for the hoest opinion... i will now scrap this sloppy strewn together garbage and strive hard to prove you right, cause ya know, i have a lot to prove to people :|
Reply
:iconinebriate:
inebriate Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2003
For the price you charge, I'd expect some fucking return.
Reply
:iconmibi:
mibi Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2003
silly capitalist.... i have a deal in the works to import my lines from pre-teen malaysian poets, and then assembled in the US for PR reasons, perhaps then my artist profit margin will be more to your liking. :|
Reply
:iconinebriate:
inebriate Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2003
Do you accept Monopoly money?
Reply
:iconsomedrunkblackspoon:
somedrunkblackspoon Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2003   Writer
Keynote : spoken word thrives on internal rhyme - you use traditional end line rhymes here as well, which stunts the quality of the internal.
Reply
:iconsomedrunkblackspoon:
somedrunkblackspoon Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2003   Writer
Very nice ending.
But the structure seems weak - for a spoken piece. They get weird in themselves - am I reading or speaking? Make the poem around the way YOU read/speak it. If thatis already done it needs more touch-up than I imagined. In my opinion you have more of a rap here than a poem, but a good rap at that. Not a bad piece, in the least.
Reply
:iconmibi:
mibi Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2003
yeah i just put it in spoken word for hte hell of it.. i hate all the poetry " catagories" ... too bad im not a rapper :| ....but thanks for the commentos
Reply
:iconsomedrunkblackspoon:
somedrunkblackspoon Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2003   Writer
You got talent in your wordplay and vocabulary, but I want to see you spark that shit a new match. Fuck it up.
Reply
:iconsomedrunkblackspoon:
somedrunkblackspoon Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2003   Writer
You got talent in your wordplay and vocabulary, but I want to see you spark that shit a new match. Fuck it up.
Reply
:iconwicked-eve:
wicked-eve Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2003
I binge...and purge...
Binge and purge and binge and purge.
Cringe and merge the fringe and verge.
Atoms with Eve's drop, datum's deseased crop
Madam will you please stop...
Im half way through a palindrome
With half a talon shown
Gripping gripes of the most massive of talent tomes.
----

that alone made my eyes take a second and even third glance at this.
absolutely wonderful.
in a more lucritive way.
from you anyhow..soo many hidden messages.
a secret tells a secret tells a secret holds a truth.
i adore.
:heart:
Reply
:icondeadilion:
deadilion Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2003
Very nice mister... uh mister you.
I'd have to say the whitty title was what caught me first.
I like it, as if its utter chaos but at the same time it means something (which like most poetry if different for everyone) and you just have to look past the majic-eye surface to undersatnd.
...And if that made sense to you then you deserve far more credit that I gave you here. :)
Reply
:iconsolios:
solios Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2003  Professional General Artist
Dayumn. Boy sure knows how to bend his english. Love the play on pronunciation- just wouldn't be as interesting read out loud, I think... it would depend on the delivery. Pacing's koo too... but don't look at me, I'm one of those freaks who aced english, effed grammar, and generally has a hard time casing a turn of phrase into concrete verbs.

mibi++.
Reply
:iconprincesskitty:
princesskitty Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2003   Digital Artist
I love your style. The word play always makes me happy. I love it when you do that. I suck at it, maybe that's why I enjoy it so much in others.
Reply
:iconmechadragon:
mechadragon Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2003
very fun rythm i like it much
Reply
:iconskitzomike007:
Skitzomike007 Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2003
lol, i have to say, it does remind me of rap, but its kinda cool :) nice work.
Now read MY poem, lol <PsuedoLife> my featured deviation :)
Reply
:icondr-bipolar:
dr-bipolar Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2003
Its a flowing ramble with nothing interconnected, reminded me of rap.
Reply
:iconmibi:
mibi Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2003
and whats rap?
Reply
:iconprophesyofdreams:
prophesyofdreams Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2005
Retards
Attempting
Poetry

:P, just joking, this is awesome, nice rhythm
Reply
:iconevilfaeries:
evilfaeries Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2003   Writer
Wow. Well, usually I can critique stuff, but tonight I just cant. :/

This is really good. You have a way with your words, and Im sure i have said it before, but it is true.

:heart:
Reply
:iconkaujot:
kaujot Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2003
That describes it perfectly..

:+fav:
Reply
:iconstarblind:
starblind Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2003
Yay, more poerty from one of the few people on DA who can write poerty and not thoroughly suck at it! :clap:
Reply
:iconderivablezero:
derivablezero Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2003
good job, eminem. shouldn't we call you rabbit now? seriously though, i like this. you know how much i love when you play with words like that. tis beautiful and now a fave
Reply
:iconmibi:
mibi Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2003
if you ever mention me and eminem in the same sentance again, we are not friends. He is the bastardization of wordplay, im just a bastard when i play with words. :hug:
Reply
:iconderivablezero:
derivablezero Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2003
what if i mention you and mnm's?
Reply
:iconbreya:
breya Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2003  Hobbyist
Intriguing.
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconmibi: More from mibi


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
September 21, 2003
File Size
1.2 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
2,245 (1 today)
Favourites
4 (who?)
Comments
37
×