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poerty by paristoohood

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Submitted on
September 8, 2003
File Size
946 bytes


8 (who?)

"Blank Stairs"

She stairs.
Three flights down is her car.
Sedan.  Four door.  Twenty-one thousand miles.
In circles.

She was an artist once.
The smartest dunce.
Finger paintings mostly.  Never sold a finger print.

Now she works five days for fity weeks. Filing. Typing.
Her sentence is run-on.
Never noticing the tessellating artistry of her cubicle horizon.

Her T's are crossed, eyes are glazed over.
Her tears are seeded   
Where the sonnets will grow.
But they hold tight to old sights.
Pupils too contricted from the monitor glow.

She stairs.
Three flights up is the roof.
Sky.  Four clouds.  Twenty one mile view.
In every direction.
This is another poem that was done for 25 cents per line. It was commissioned by ~natasha-marie and she wanted something about a girl who is completely uninspired... with sad eyes.

I tried. ;)

Poerty, 50 cents per line. [link]
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Dismal-tears Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2007
this is really nice
girldisrupted Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2004   Writer
this is a commissioned poem?.. wow is there anything you can't do? writing on request is one of the hardest things to do and i never would have guessed that's what this was if you hadn't said so in the description.
great play on words.

and the subject matter... that is one of the things that terrifies me the most.. the idea that i'll end up stuck in some dead end job doing the one thing i promised myself i wouldnt do... you've handled the topic so well and with so much originality.
klentex Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2004
sad, how many people really are like that when you consider the circumstances. the average person who can't escape a loop, or won't...
sumants Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2004   Writer
No comment. Fix that silly intentional typo. :+fav+
kaujot Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2004
Coming back to it now, I want to critique it, but I find that I am lacking material to critique.

This is as near a perfect work as I have ever seen.


And sorry it took me a day to get around to this. I've been very absent-minded lately.
mibi Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2004
oh hush :blush: .... its nto perfect... i even left a spelling error in there so you can have something to critique... :petting: ...but i submitted this almost a year ago...just update the thumbnail which is why its back on your watch... ;) .. thanks tho kj..
kaujot Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2004
No, it's perfect.
kaujot Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2004
Is it supposed to be "constricted" on the last line of the next-to-last stanza?
punky-o Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2004   Photographer
"her sentence has run on"
deadcow7 Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2004
Again, the puns in this poem are very clever. You really manage to use them to get a feeling across. There are two puns I don't really get though: spellings of the words "sentance" and "tessalating".

Good job!

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