I read the poem before the description and I had no idea who it was about. I read it, read it once more and saw it as such:

The poem flows nicely, the writer obviously intended to paint a picture and invoke a glimmer of thought. Typically I see a poem with long odd pauses--misplaced words and often at times misspelled words. That is a typical intentional flaw to cause the reader to pause. Here, the writing came so nicely that the mind still had time to think and form an image, but did not have time to be hung up by banter.

Right away I saw two people, a man and a woman. I say their genders are apparent based on the use of the word labia. I saw the woman asking for the man to display his talent. You can read into that, but I did not find it to be sexual--yet.
Next, to me there was more of a sexual innuendo involved. I saw a woman who was not tainted per say, but not pure. That is not negative and no do I see it ask being insulting. The woman whom we're reading about seems to have two talents. One seems stronger than the other perhaps. Going forward I see that there is more to her than meets the eye, even with the next stance I see that the outside is tough, but she is not good at being a bitch because inside she is not. Overall the next stance just kind of left me--it was more complimentary in my eyes.

The last bit, which is the sweetest, is great. "I mind a gem that will go lovely with my earrings." If I didn't know any better I would say the writer had a fondness for the woman--or the woman had a fondness for herself, confident and young and when they vibrate in unison he'll know to listen in.

A very positive caring piece and despite the overall fact that the payer did not hold up her end of the deal out of spite--it is still worthy of being here. It's well written and well thought out. The girl should feel lucky, instead her outside bitch suppressed her inside good spirit and another friend was lost....
Sadness.

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I play funny on the internet.

Well, I think that I can hardly do a better job analyzing this than flummox did above, but I'll toss in my two cents.

Obviously there was a lot of thought that went into this piece, evident from the quick slant rhymes and the well-chosen imagery. Another thing that I got from this piece, an element of style, is that you like to get the message of your poem across in ways that may seem contrary to what the words seem to say. It's often easy for people who aren't paying enough attention to miss the point of the poem that way...I find that happens to readers of my poetry more often than not.

One thing I got from the lines "She's a Professional bitch./And still can't pay the rent./Perhaps she is in the wrong line of work." was a sense that the persona, who I'm assuming is you, can see that this woman can be more than she has become but who has become so settled into who she is now that she rarely sees beyond it. Of course, this is all conjecture and I could be far off the mark, but that is what I see from that.

Like flummox said, I feel that it's pretty evident that piece is meant for positivity and not for insult or embarassment, but because it relays its message in subtle ways, someone looking for something blatant will only see that which looks negative. Regardless, a piece that I would aspire to writing. Sometimes people can't see the gems they've been given, eh?

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Retroactive. Sticky.

Well, Jesse, I'm really sorry. I read it so many times and I never saw the stuff that flummox saw, guess it's that low self esteem kicking in there. But when I talked to you, and got it from your perspective minus the metaphors that I took the wrong way, I laughed, I cried, I felt incredibly appreciated, and realized what a great friend I almost lost. I was immature and ignorant about it, and not only are you getting paid, you're getting a gift, too. It's sort of funny, the only thing I got about the whole poem on my own was the inside joke that opens it, and the tuning fork. I also was very surprised when you told me that the second stanza was about me and Kevin. I think he was pretty shocked, too. I don't know how I missed that. And yes, I do know you. The third stanza is the one that pissed me off the most initially, but you see more in my writing than anyone else ever does, and you're one of my favorite readers, because you're never afraid to tell me about what I write. I like how you said " take her paragraph, tear in half, and a few lines slide through"... My english teacher says the same thing about my writings, that some lines are worth keeping while the poem as a whole is worth crying over the waste of talent. Guess I need to get out of this hole I'm in with being an angsty teenager. Also, when we talked, you said that I have a hell of a lot of potential and more talent than you had at 17.. I sort of saw that in the fourth stanza, but I argued with myself about it until I had become convinced you just meant I was shallow and had my head in the sky. Though, as of now, I would deserve to be told that. The fifth stanza is exactly what I thought it meant, and I know that you are one of the few that can see past it. I honestly had no idea what you were talking about in the sixth stanza, about me being thoroughly dug. Since I always get people calling me a whore, I sort of took it to mean that I sleep around, and the "this may hurt" sifting through pay dirt sort of seemed to imply prostitution.. But when you said that it meant they were greedy and wanted to get paid, but not with money.. I understood. It's just so hard to see things through your eyes, especially when your view of me is much higher and better than everyone else's view. You never told me before how great you thought of me, and I didn't get it from this poem at all. I wish I had the depth and imagination that you and your readers do, but I don't. It's something I can only hope for. I'm glad you listen, and I'm flattered to hang off of your lobes.



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Support bacteria: it's the only culture most people have.

God I feel bad cause you have all long comments yet mine is little, but all I can say is +fav.
I dont +fav many things, so feel very special.

I like the labia part.. and I love the way you just mix words togather and they are so similiar, which is one thing i hate in writing, (when two words togather sound almost the same such aserfect pitch hero harmonizing her swoon song)
ok i cant even explain what im saying.,
meh.

i fuckin like it a lot tho.

Kandice

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my myspace!

` you can leave me on the corner where you found me,
i'm not for sale anymore.

it's alliteration

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Support bacteria: it's the only culture most people have.

Gah! Greatness!

I can't add anything new to critique...Sorry.

though, oh yes. It's that damn good.

Tasty.

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This never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened.

She is a Professional bitch.
And still cant pay the rent.

Couldn't help but crack a smile at those lines. I can dig it.

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Lars-Erik Forsberg
|ArtPolitic Founder|

I like it mibi. that's all I want to say. I've read the previous comments, and have nothing to add. I like it alot though.

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fberriman.com

Her oceans aren't deep
But At least the sky is bright blue.

delightfull

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Raise your voice.

Adless lyrics site? Yep.,